Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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