Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
