There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
