i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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