Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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