I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
