Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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