Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize