I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
