I think I won the penis lottery.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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