marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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