you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How external is "for external use only"?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
