wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize