i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
