I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
