Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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