overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
