Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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