break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
