It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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