She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
