this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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