Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
accomplished twins. life is a go
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
