I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
