Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
