how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
