he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
