: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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