Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
