My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
