Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize