Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
