God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
