i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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