I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
