don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
