dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
try to milk me bitch
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