Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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