Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
