I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
