So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
