I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
