there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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