Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize