everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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