I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
