the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize