She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
