I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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