ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
