alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
