I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
