that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize