Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
