Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
