so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
