I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
