Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
