it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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