you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize