Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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