y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
