so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
