I'm so fucking centered right now
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
