My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize