I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
