im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
