Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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