I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
