Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
