I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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