Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
