weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
