you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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